From a lesson given to the youngest children of Vice-Chancellor Peter Kraemer of the Academy of Reeves by Claudia Torensen, Daughter of The Count of Llian.
Noble men and women take etiquette and address very seriously, and knowing how to meet them and do business with them without offending them is a very important skill to any Guildsman who wants to do any work in Imperial or Noble space. Your father has asked me to give you something of a primer on the correct address for members of different Houses.
First things first: kinds of address. You need to understand two main parts, style and what I will refer to for convenience as salutation. A person's style is their full title, as might be called in order to announce them as they enter a function. Their salutation is the formal way they should be addressed directly, such as at the top of a letter.
There are three sorts of people you might need to bear in mind: men who hold title, the wives of men who hold title, and women who hold title in their own right.
What about husbands?
In all the major Houses, husbands don't gain a style from their titled wives. She might decide that he should be addressed as if he held her title, or she might be powerful to grant him something of his own, but he isn't accorded anything by default.
And don't be afraid to ask questions; I can't tell what you don't know unless you say.
So, let us look at unlanded ranks first. The major Houses knight most of their men on reaching adulthood. Baronetcies are sometimes created for knights who distinguish themselves, either simply as a higher rank of knight, or more likely as a hereditary title. Women are generally knighted only if they intend to do what is traditionally men's work; a female knight is called a Dame.
I'll use James Hawkwood and his wife Jane as an example for my names, unless I need other Houses: should he be a knight or a baronet, he is styled 'Sir James Hawkwood' and has salutation 'Sir James'. Jane is then 'Lady Jane Hawkwood', or 'Lady Jane'. Should it be Jane who holds the title, she'd be 'Dame Jane Hawkwood' or 'Dame Jane'.
The landed ranks, and I'll be concentrating on the five 'sub-royal' ones, since they are the ones you are likely to encounter, start to vary quite substantially by House, and in some cases by individual title. I'll give general cases as best I can, but I can't stress enough that you should get as much advance warning as you can so that you can look up the particular person you need to deal with.
Let us assume now that James Hawkwood is Lord of Winterbourne. Now we'll see how his address changes as we upgrade Winterbourne through different levels of fief.
With Winterbourne as a barony, James is probably styled 'The Lord James Hawkwood of Winterbourne', saluted as 'Lord Hawkwood'. This generic address is used by most of the major Houses in order to make sure they fit in (a) his House, (b) his fief and (c) his given name(s). The old 'The Lord Winterbourne' form is rarely used for a barony, although some families do use it (especially where the family is named for the fief).
As his wife, Jane is fully styled 'The Lady Jane Hawkwood of Winterbourne'. It is not unusual for the wife's style to be missing her surname and/or her husband's fief, though. Styles for wives are at the same time one of the system's largest points of contention and its biggest area of leeway; the typical nobleman isn't too bothered if you address his wife incorrectly, provided you have shown proper respect while doing so. Her salutation is still 'Lady Jane'.
Note well that she is not termed Baroness; should she hold the barony in her own right her style is 'The Baroness Jane Hawkwood of Winterbourne', saluted 'Lady Hawkwood', or 'Lady Winterbourne' if that's the form the Lord would have used.
A brief note about the names of fiefs: Some nobles simply don't use them. In cases where the family name is the name of the House, some nobles would rather be addressed by that. Outside the Hazat, a noble will rarely be offended if you use his family name rather than that of his fief, and many even prefer it (although he should also accept properly formed address using the name of his fief, should his preference be unknown).
Of course, in the Hazat, few if any nobles bear the name of the House. In this instance it is important to do the research; address and announce them properly using family name and name of fief, and adding 'of the Hazat' after, if you feel it proper.
If a nobleman leaves his fief out of his salutation, so will his wife. Whether Jane Hawkwood would be 'Lady Jane', 'Lady Hawkwood' or something else entirely depends on her, her husband, his title and his House. I'd use the former if unsure.
If we now make Winterbourne a vicountcy, there are subtle changes. Where before the Lord's title didn't appear in his style, from here on it plays a major part.
James is now 'The Lord James Hawkwood, Viscount Winterbourne' and Jane is 'The Lady Jane Hawkwood, Viscountess Winterbourne'. Their salutations are 'Lord Winterbourne' and Lady Winterbourne' respectively. Only in a few cases is it 'Viscount of Winterbourne'; finding some examples is left as an exercise.
A Viscountess in her own right is styled 'The Lady Jane Hawkwood, Viscountess Winterbourne'. Despite what I've said about wives, please don't lose any of the address of a noblewoman in her own right.
Next is Count, or if your title is granted by House Hawkwood, Earl. James is 'The Lord James Hawkwood, Earl of Winterbourne' and Jane is 'The Lady Jane Hawkwood, Countess of Winterbourne.' Yes, the wife of an Earl is a Countess. For the other Houses, substitute 'Count' for 'Earl'. The salutation is the same as before: Lord and Lady Winterbourne. Jane as Countess in her own right is 'The Lady Jane Hawkwood, Countess of Winterbourne.'
You've got the opposite situation with 'of' here: most Countships and Earldoms have it, and you should check carefully that you're not dealing with one of the few who don't.
If you ever hear a noble announced with language variations, use them if you can pronounce them and ignore them otherwise. The Hazat Count may be quietly pleased if you address his wife as Condesa, but he'll likely be displeased - and perhaps not quietly - if you call her Contessa; certain minor Houses are the other way around. By convention only the most unreasonable of nobles will complain if you use the accepted generic terms rather than their preferred variations.
Of course some of the variations have made their way into the accepted form, and you should really learn them, at least for the major Houses.
With Winterbourne upgraded again, it's a marquessate. Here you have to be very careful distinguishing nobles by House on two counts. Firstly, there's the title itself. Hawkwoods call the man a Marquess and the woman a Marchioness, and several of the more traditional minor Houses are with them. House Decados and the Hazat call them Marquess and Marquessa, while the al-Malik and the Li Halan call them Marquis and Marquise.
Next, some Houses still refer to their Marquesses as 'Most Honourable', but this is going out of fashion. Try and find out in advance which it is (Hawkwood and Decados yes, Hazat and Li Halan no, al-Malik varies; there are always exceptions), although I daresay that you might get by assuming that it is required; too much respect is less offensive than too little.
In any case, the correct style is 'The Most Honourable Lord' or Lady (or simply 'The Lord' or Lady), the full name, then the correct title and the name of the fief. Marquessates that don't have 'of' in their style are at least as rare as the countships. The address for the wife is, as before, the same as a female title-holder but with a little more leeway. James, then, is 'The Most Honourable Lord James Hawkwood, Marquess of Winterbourne'.
As with the previous two, salutation is as 'Lord and Lady Winterbourne'.
Finally, Winterbourne as a duchy. James is now 'His Grace James Hawkwood, Duke of Winterbourne, with his wife 'Her Grace Jane Hawkwood, Duchess of Winterbourne'. When saluting in writing, use 'Duke' or 'Duchess'; when speaking to them address them as 'Your Grace'.
Can I call people 'My Lord'?
I wouldn't. In conversation with a Lord (ignoring Dukes for the moment, who are more or less above that title) you can use the full salutation: Lord Winterbourne, for example. It is respectful enough to refer to a Lord as 'My Lord', but since this could be taken to imply allegiance many nobles avoid using it except for their direct superiors, and as freepersons you would do well to avoid it completely.
'My Lady' or 'MiLady' is slightly different. You can always use it as a term of respect for a nobleman's wife, and since women with titles in their own right are still quite rare you should get away with it even when she is landed.
What about nobles without titles?
A male noble without a title will normally be a guildsman or a priest. You should address him as such, for while he may have important friends, most Houses consider such a person to have given up their claim to nobility.
Noble ladies without title are very common, although they won't often deal with outsiders. If Jane Hawkwood is an unmarried noblewoman, style her as 'Lady Jane Hawkwood' and salute her as 'Lady Jane'. She isn't 'The Lady Jane', especially in earshot of anyone who may actually be entitled to that.
One last thing: Military rank. The correct style for a military nobleman is to put his military address before the full style of his noble rank. Consider announcing the organisation that awarded the rank: when introducing Lieutenants and Captains it can be really quite important to make it clear whether they are army or navy.
For example, should James Hawkwood - let's make him a Baron again - be a Lieutenant in the Imperial Navy, he would be styled 'Lieutenant The Lord James Hawkwood of Winterbourne, Imperial Navy'.
You don't always have to use military rank; since you're not military yourself you could use the civilian address for someone whose noble rank is at least as prestigious. Just don't omit a high military rank in order to use low noble rank; the Hazat armed forces in particular award rank on military experience and merit and it's not hard to find a Knight made General, who definitely should not be addressed as just a Knight.
That's enough for the time being. I will speak with your father; I may have time for another lesson while I'm staying, but I really must spend some time with my sister, having come so far to visit her.
Military Ranks
Noble Ranks